I don't update my journal often, but there are just certain things that happen that have to have an update.

First off, for those of you who don't know my grandpa died some weeks ago. Then just a week ago I get a call in the middle of the night saying that my first cousin Ryan was shot dead. This is a big blow to my entire family. They had just seen him at grandpa's funeral, and now he is just suddenly dead at 28 years old. He didn't live his life right, and apparently grandpa's death gave him a new lease on life. He was leaving this girl he was sleeping with, and going to try and make things right with his wife. This girl shoots him in the back of the head, and then shoots herself. *sniffles*

Most of family lives all over the USA so I don't get close contact with many, but Ryan and his younger brother Karl were the two cousins I had the closest contact with... which was on and off over the years. I had a chance to get to meet and know them as adults for the first time at grandpa's funeral but being 8 months pregnant I couldn't fly not to mention flying to Alaska is NOT cheap. I didn't have the money. NOw.. I will never have that chance. This is something that will always haunt me, and took a while to get over. But with all the things that have been happening in my life lately, I just have been praying and dealing with it.

NOW FOR THE GOOD NEWS!!! SILVEN JOY IS BORN!! Yes, my darling baby girl is born, and she is perfectly healthy. I had to have a C-section so I am still recovering. I waddle every where, and am still learning how to be a good mommy. She now takes up most my life, my time, and I now sleep in short spurts. I won't be online as much as I used to be, but I will try. She has my husbands dark hair. It's not curly yet, but defiantly will have a wave to it which is better than my flat hair. Her eyes are still blue, but we expect them to turn brown since his brown eyes are dominate. It would be nice if she were to have my blue hazel eyes, or even my mother's bright blue eyes.. but either way she will be such a heart breaker when she gets older. Shot gun time!! LOL

Watching my husband with her is the sweetest thing ever! Watching him coo and play with her is just so touching, and the look in his eyes is priceless. Having a baby is a lot of joy and well worth the work. It is also a lot of WORRY!! I worry over every little thing this being my first. I worry over things now, and of course all the things that I should really worry about later. Like toddlers, or preteens, or even teenager years. I worry about it all. But I am working on praying more and worring less. After all, I will have more than enough time for those worries when the time comes, huh? For now I'm just enjoying having her little while she IS little. It doesn't last long. I am just very happy that she is one week old today, and healthy as can be. Curious too. These pictures are for all those people who have been waiting so anxiously to see my baby, and I just can't help but want to show her off a little. So sit back and enjoy!

So some bad news, and some good news.. Weee! Such is my life! Well that's it for this journal entry. Mew Mew and until next time! *waves paw*